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A Slow Landing into a German-Korean Marriage



This year, I had two weddings. One in Germany in the summer, and another in South Korea in the winter. If you've been married yourself⎯or have friends who have⎯you'll know this already: a wedding is not something that's over in a single day, like a reservation at a restaurant.

I promised marriage to my German partner, M, in 2023. Long-distance relationships carry an unavoidable truth: for two people to truly be together, someone has to move. After spending short but meaningful stretches of two to three months in Korea and Germany, and after many long conversations, we reached a conclusion⎯I would be the one to try living in Germany first.

From an administrative standpoint, it's much simpler to hold the wedding in Germany first and then apply for a residence permit immediately. So we set our sights on a German wedding in the spring or summer of 2025, and decided that for the two years leading up to it, I would slowly prepare everything I could while still in Korea.

That meant:
  • Closing out my work with a Korean company and building a freelance system that would allow me to work from anywhere
  • Thinking seriously about what I truly wanted to do, and which opportunities I could realistically pursue
  • Obtaining an A1 German language certificate for my residence permit, while continuing general German learning
  • Persuading my family (especially my mom)

M and I both dream idealistically, but we're also relentlessly practical. We share one thing in common: we're always busy! When I first met M, I was already juggling my company job alongside freelance translation and filming work, right in the middle of one of the busiest periods of my life. M works as a developer and makes electronic music on the side. We both believe in holding onto what we can while moving forward⎯dreaming, but with our feet firmly on the ground.

I think that's why our first long-distance relationship turned out to be smoother than expected. We rarely had time to feel bored or lonely; there was always something we were building toward.



Preparing to Make a Living

As much as we might wish otherwise, love alone doesn't pay the bills. To get through the initial settlement period, I needed work that wasn't tied to a specific place or schedule. That's why I committed to building a freelance system during those two years.

As a result, I've now been working with a German company and a Chinese company for over a year. During the busy summer-fall-winter stretch, when we had two weddings and a move, I scaled things back to just those two clients. Once I return, I plan to expand my projects again.

Ultimately, I want to run my own business⎯something I've dreamed about for a long time. I can't share the details yet, but with M's support, I plan to explore ways to make it real. Beyond Borders Bloom. Like the name of this blog, I hope it truly blooms one day.

Obtaining the A1 German Language Certificate

For someone who hates the pressure of exams as much as I do, earning a language certificate was one of the things I dreaded most. But if you're applying for a family reunification residence permit (Familiennachzug) to join a spouse in Germany, an A1-level German certificate is required.

There were mixed opinions about whether Koreans needed this certificate or not, depending on who you asked. Rather than stress over uncertainty, I decided it would be less painful to simply pass the exam. I learned on my own and managed to secure the certificate about a month before the wedding.

A1 is the most basic level⎯it covers understanding and using simple everyday sentences, introducing yourself, and asking for essential information. Most people continue learning and take exams at higher levels like A2 or B1, but because the exam dates before the wedding were limited, I chose the safest option. I took Start Deutsch 1(A1) through the Goethe Institut. I'll write more about learning and the exam itself in a separate post.

Convincing the Family

Marriage isn't something you do alone. In my case, the biggest hurdle was my mom⎯who, truthfully, had opposed most of my relationships throughout my life. Still, I didn't want to get married against my family's wishes. Based on past experience of fighting for independence, I could tell this time felt different.

I'm a pacifist by nature. So I decided on a strategy of diplomatic alliances. First, I brought my dad, aunts, uncles and extended family over to our side. Then, slowly and gently, I let my mom be softened by love. I showed my family the same ease and comfort I feel with M. He's kind-hearted, perfectly in sync with me, loves cooking, and is genuinely family-oriented.

In the end, even my strict mom found herself saying, "Our M, I love you." It seems that when parents see their daughter truly happy and confident, they eventually come around. (Mission accomplished. Haha.)



All in all, this is how I spent two years slowly preparing for marriage and life abroad. There's still a long list of documents I prepared in Korea, and I'll continue that story in the next post.

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